In my late teens/early twenties, I had what has been called a "dark night of the soul." I was living in NYC, going to college, and struggling to keep my head above water. My world felt like it was spiraling out of control. As an athlete and a health fanatic, I used the tools I had to grip on to any semblance of control. I developed an eating disorder that I was able to skillfully hide from my family and peers. For a few years I had a secret reality that only knew about, one that had me avoiding dinner tables. spending long hours on a treadmill, learning how to throw up quietly, and wearing a bright smile to mask my pain. I was getting straight A's, was working a few jobs, and had a robust social circle.
To the outside world, I was living well. Inside, I was suffering and in so much pain.
I was able to hide it, until I wasn't. A dear friend of mine (who is now also in the therapeutic arts) intervened. She sat me down and told me she saw me. She saw me disappearing and she begged me to get help. Someone seeing me, really seeing me underneath the put-together facade. Looking back, I can feel the sense of relief I experienced by being confronted with my shadow. By having it placed on the table between me and someone who genuinely cared.
I started going to therapy and it was then that yoga and meditation found me. I remember crying in my first yoga class - I finally felt safe in my body. I began - slowly - to reconstruct my identity. I started walking the path back to myself via this blend of ancient and modern healing techniques. For the next 10 years, I would devote myself to practice, learning, healing, and stepping into the capacity to offer a safe and supportive space for soul exploration and integration.
Along the way, I began to work with various plants. The consciousness altering plants that I consider dear allies at this point in my journey are: Santa Maria (also known popularly as Cannabis), Psilocybin, MDMA, and Ayahuasca. I also work with various non-psychedelic fungi and plants as a way to support harmony and health on all levels of my being.
I see these plants as teachers, as allies, as mysterious supports offered to us by Great Spirit - the nameless benevolent force that weaves through all of life. Plants have been such a big part of my healing, my expansion, and the coming home to myself. I carry a deep reverence for the plants and the cultures, lands, and peoples that steward them. They carry such power, and deserve the utmost respect.
I see my work as as a blending of ancient and modern wisdoms and traditions that allows each of us to enter into spaciousness inside of our bodies, minds, and hearts. I am ever grateful for my "dark night of the soul", for I recognize that there are so many blessings to harvest inside of darkness. I do not shy away from the dark, and I support those I work with by journeying into any and every space that their soul is calling for company.
I am the woman I am because of path I am walking. I am delighted to walk this path with you.
